7 years ago I was project managing the build of a £9.5 million leisure centre. I’d just been promoted & in many ways, I was loving life! I had a great job that I enjoyed, I was 2 stone lighter & I was spending my free time furiously salsa dancing the nights away!
I was also in the midst of a divorce that my family didn’t support. The reality was that I was throwing myself into work to distract myself from all the gut-wrenchingly painful things that were happening in my personal life.
I felt like a failure, so lost and out of control.
This wasn’t what I’d envisioned for my life. I’d lost weight because of the stress and busyness I was using not to feel what was really happening. It was the first time in my life I’d lived alone and I was spending most of my evenings out at Salsa dancing events because I couldn’t bear to go home to my empty rented flat and sit with all the guilt, shame & loneliness I felt. On the odd occasion I was too bone achingly tired to go out, I would hire a box set from Blockbusters (remember them!) and lose myself in that.
This cycle continued for months until I couldn’t stuff those feelings down anymore & they started to spill out into the place I was trying so hard to hold my shit together. I’d be sitting at my desk at work with tears leaking down my face, wishing that the ground would open up & swallow me. I needed this job to survive, I couldn’t afford to fall apart!
I just wanted to escape. To disappear off travelling or at the very least, to go on holiday for a few weeks. To be anywhere but here! The pressure to put on my happy face & be ok was overwhelming. I couldn’t focus or concentrate & I was scared I was going to drop the ball & everyone would find out how much of a fraud I really was.
I disappeared off to the toilet to pull myself together for the eleventy seventh time that day. Deep down I knew something had to change. I couldn’t carry on like this. I felt like everything was falling apart and if it didn’t change I’d lose it all.
Admitting to myself that day that I wasn’t ok was the first step of turning my life around.
It was during this time that I first discovered coaching. It felt like a lifeline that helped me to gain clarity about my situation, who I am, and what I wanted. It provided space for me to talk through the jumbled mess of thoughts that were taking up valuable headspace and brought me to my own attention so I could move forward. That experience was life-changing and formed the foundations of the life I have now built for myself. A life that is happier, more authentic, and free.
You see I get it, I’ve been there – dragging myself through life, searching for the light. I was miserable, stuck, and completely disconnected from myself and the people around me. I was trying so hard to stuff down my feelings and put my professional mask on that I completely lost myself.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
I learned the hard way what happens when you ignore these feelings. You can do anything (within reason), but not everything, and this is why my business exists, to show you how to prioritise the important things and build a happy life infused with balance, freedom, and passion.
I know it’s possible to make these changes because I’ve done it.
I see so many busy, ambitious professionals fire fighting all of the demands on their time and attention, who are missing out on the important things that actually make them happy.
They are doing their best impression of a swan gliding across the lake; however, the reality is that underneath they are paddling like mad just trying to stay afloat. They feel out of control, bouncing from one drama to another and it is taking its toll on their health, wellbeing, and relationships.
And that’s why I’ve made it my mission to help other busy, ambitious professionals to move from survival mode to living a happier, lighter life that lights them up. Because I believe deep in my heart that life is easier when we find the courage to stop stuffing down our feelings and be true to ourselves, and this for me, is real freedom.
If this resonates with you and you are ready to admit to yourself that something’s got to give, why not book a free consultation with me – if nothing changes, nothing changes….