In a previous life, I was married to a great man. We had a wonderful life – a lovely house, great jobs, a nice car, luxury holidays, etc. However, I was miserable. My work and home life were stressful and I was trying hard to meet the various needs of those around me. I was in a state of firefighting, jumping from one drama to another, and in the downtimes, I was exhausted! I wasn’t taking care of myself and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted or needed, other than to feel better! My marriage was suffering too. My husband and I were drifting further and further apart, both prioritising everything other than our relationship. I had never felt so alone and disconnected. I couldn’t help but wonder, is this it? I’m meant to do this for the next 50+ years?
Surely there had to be more to life than this?
The day my HR Manager suggested I go to the doctor and take some time off was humiliating. It confirmed that the mask had slipped and people could see that I didn’t have my shit together! I felt so guilty about letting everyone down. So after a few weeks, I put the mask back on and went back to work to show everyone that I was ok. However, I was anything but ok! We were going through an organisational redesign at the time that I didn’t fully buy in to, so when they asked for people to volunteer for redundancy in a bid to save money, I jumped at the opportunity for a fresh start.
Maybe this might make me happy?
I got another job and started building a new life for myself. However, the void between my husband and I continued to grow. One day, during a petty disagreement over a roast chicken, the lid came off in spectacular fashion and I walked out on our marriage. At the time it felt like freedom from all the things that were ‘making me miserable’; however, I quickly learned that wherever you go, there you are! I was wracked with guilt and shame. I’d hurt all the people I cared about and for the first time in my life, I was on my own.
It was during this time that I first discovered coaching. It was a lifeline that helped me to gain clarity about who I am and what I wanted. It provided space for me to talk through the jumbled mess of thoughts that were taking up valuable headspace and brought me to my own attention so I could move forward.
That experience was life-changing and started my long and winding journey of self-discovery and personal development.
The following years were a rollercoaster. I got divorced (more shame), I threw myself into my career, determined to rebuild my life. I got promoted. I bought and renovated a house. Then I sold it and built a house from scratch. I moved 5 times in 5 years! And during this time I had the worst relationships of my life – a testament to how I felt about myself on the inside. By the end of 2017, with another relationship ending, I was exhausted and had hit yet another low point.
Something had to change!
By this time I’d done enough work on myself to know that I was the common denominator in all this. I started to unpick my unhelpful patterns of behaviour. You see I’m a people pleaser by nature and I had learned to prioritise the wants and needs of others over my own. I often internalised my thoughts and feelings because of fear of losing people, being judged, being wrong or not good enough, and I tiptoed around people to avoid conflict and confrontation. I had no idea what a boundary was or how to say no! I’d go along with things for an ‘easy life’ and meet external expectations to the determent of myself. The problem with this is that it felt like life is easy for everyone other me! And so over time feelings of hurt, resentment, frustration, and anger built up because I felt invisible, taken for granted, and unimportant.
Which is ultimately what leads to a marriage ending over a roast chicken!
With this new awareness came the opportunity to challenge these beliefs and make better choices. I reconnected with myself, with my wants and needs, and I started to ‘speak my truth’, which was liberating! I found new confidence and techniques to deal with conflict and confrontation and learned to be brave and get uncomfortable. Most importantly I forgave myself. If I had known then what I know now I would have made very different choices.
It was a journey I had to take to find the courage to speak my truth and be authentically me.
I believe we are all doing the best we can. However, once you know better, you can do better. And this has certainly been true in my experience. So many of us go through life on auto-pilot, unconsciously creating a reality we think we want, only to get there and realise it was someone else’s dream! Trying to unpick that life and figure out what you want instead is hard and it takes enormous courage. My journey did not come easy. Or for free! However, I am now more me than I have ever been.
Coaching has played such a profound part in my journey back to myself and creating a life I no longer need a holiday from.
However, the waves of life are going to keep on coming so you might as well learn to surf! This is what coaching has done for me. It has given me the tools, techniques, and skills to surf the waves of life more adeptly.
No one’s life is perfect, no matter what they portray on their social media feed. For me it’s about embracing all the messy, imperfect, uncomfortable bits because that really is where the magic happens.
And this is why I am passionate about working with frazzled unfulfilled professionals who feel lost, stuck, and overwhelmed. I help them to get out of their head and into their heart, to be true to themselves, and rediscover the joy of life.
Why Choose Me?
My passion for coaching started in 2014 and became my full-time focus in 2018 when I quit my job to set up my business. I’m a member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and hold an International Coach Federation (ICF) endorsed diploma in Transformational Coaching, as well as further certificates in Emotional Intelligence and Group Coaching and facilitation. I am fully insured, DBS, and ICO certified.
I am certified to use the DISC Personal Assessment tool, which is invaluable in helping my clients develop greater self-awareness. DISC helps people to understand their personality to get ahead in their career, to communicate more effectively in relationships, and to understand their personal patterns of behaviour.
Previously I worked for many years in the public sector in people and project management positions. I chose the public sector because it’s always been important to me that my work helps others and makes a difference. I now do this in my coaching practice, working with private clients at my clinic in Braintree in Essex or online, and supporting people in the public sector and large organisations, running one to one coaching programmes and bespoke training, focusing on change, relationships, and wellbeing.
Values: Wellbeing | Authenticity | Success | Kindness | Belonging | Courage | Growth | Freedom
My Superpower: Connecting with people so they feel truly seen, heard, and valued.
Myers Briggs: ISFP
Wealth Dynamics: Supporter
DISC: SI (Advisor)
Values in Action: Perspective | Curiosity | Social Intelligence | Love | Love of Learning
See feedback from previous clients here:
References are available on request.
If you’d like to find out more why not get in touch to see how I can help –